Put Your Kids First

This week I heard one of the best ideas I think I’ve heard in a very long time, and I want to share it with everyone! It’s a totally new way of thinking about planning for your children’s future. And it’s genius! I think you can use it to fund what ever path your children decide to follow.

Are you big “college after high school” people, or “just get a good job” families? I have always said that I just want my girl’s to be happy. The reality in this country is that we need a heavy mix of both. Trade schools are pushing to get students the training they need to get into the workforce as quickly as possible without all of the college debt. But we still need doctors and lawyers. I have always wanted to make sure we had the means to help the girl’s do whatever it is they decide to do, whether it’s traveling in a van teaching surf lessons (totally a possibility), or going to medical school to be a vet. College is an expectation after high school. However, we talk a lot about other options. No matter what kids decide to do after they graduate, the reality is they are going to need help from their parents!

What if that plan revolved around real estate investing?! Just hear me out…

If you have a young child, let’s say 5 and under, consider buying an investment property this year. Interest rates are lower than they will be in a couple of years. If you already own a home, a 2nd home will cost you a 20% down payment and a “good” credit score. You could choose to hold that property as a rental house for another family to raise their children. You could choose a property in a destination location that would make a good Air B and B. The point is that you hold it. Pay a real estate agent/property manager to run it if you must. In 12 years or so when your child is graduating from high school, that property has either made you a yearly profit that you have saved, or you sell it for the appreciated value and use the profit to pay for college, trade school, or just offer as a down payment on their own new life. Though property value increase rates will slow and correct in the next 10 – 12 years, they will very likely not go backwards. We learned our lessons in 2009! Punch some numbers…a $150,000 house at a modest 10% appreciation would yield $15,000. That’s a lot more than I feel like I’ve saved in a 529 account!!

Even if your kids are ready to graduate!

What if your children are older? I still say do the same! In Charlotte alone appreciation rates are going to sky rocket in the next year because of the current sellers market. It is possible to hold the house for 2-5 years and sell for a $20K to $50K profit. Maybe you don’t have enough time to save for their 4 years at college, but you do have the ability to pay for their first year out of pocket. And that amount could easily pay for multiple years at a trade or community school.

You can even capitalize on this concept if your children are graduating this year or next! Why pay for on campus housing when you can invest in real property? If you buy a 3 bedroom house in or around a college town or campus, you can let your college freshmen choose 2 people to room with them who will pay rent! Heck, make your kid should pay rent! When that child is done with school, sell the home and collect the profit. Or don’t and keep it as a collegiate rental for the future. I think in this scenario the options are endless. The biggest point being that instead of paying someone else to make money on real estate, you are!

The big picture is to have a real estate investment property for every child!

One House for Every Child!

Let’s talk about the down sides (even if there aren’t any:)). Managing real estate investments are not always easy. There is an amount of luck and risk to figure into the equation. Consider just the price of rent for whatever property you are thinking. That rental rate needs to cover the mortgage you pay, homeowners insurance, homeowners dues, taxes and some amount for repairs. You can do it either way. Find the going rental rate in that neighborhood, easily accessible with a search through my real estate portal, or figure the rate by adding all of those elements together. If your lender says the mortgage for that property would be $800/month, rent it for $1500 to cover all of the others. There is always the option of hiring a real estate professional to manage the property for you. Property Managers can do as little or as much of the management as you want them too for a small fee that should also be added in to the rent rate.

There are a million ways to work this out! These are the kinds of ideas that I got into real estate for. You do not have to be wealthy to make money! The only way to build wealth is to take a little risk. Upward mobility from lower to middle or middle to higher class can only happen with knowledge. It isn’t always about working harder. It’s about working smarter. I want to help people figure out how to add wealth to their life. This seems like a no brainer to me. I sure wish I had learned this trick when the girls were little! Once our farm house is built, these are the next goals on the list!

Send me a question and let’s get started planning for your kid’s future!!

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The Story of 5 Hairdryers

It’s 2021!!! Normally, my first post of the year would be about planning for the new year…resolutions, word of the year, design down planning, goal setting, and so on. But this year, I’ve been planning for the new year since November! Maybe because it was such a horrible year! I hired a business coach this year and we started planning early. I am so excited for what this year is going to bring me and my family!

My Favorite Goal Planner for 2021 CLICK HERE

But this post is not about planning, it’s about reflecting. One thing that I did differently this year to plan for next year is first reflect on what went right and what went wrong in 2020. Surprisingly, a lot went right. It certainly didn’t turn out the way I expected or wished, but we really did get a lot accomplished as a family and a business. That leads me to the story of the 5 hairdryers.

No one needs this many hairdryers!

One item that always ends up on our to-do list or family goals or inner work is to be better at communication. I have discovered through my crazy life that it is really the centrifuge of everything. Running a family, a marriage or a business is all about how you communicate with people. The ONLY way we get what we want out of any relationship is if we first tell them WHAT WE WANT. (Read that again.) We can tell our children to clean their room, but if we have never told them what “clean” means to us, how can they satisfy our request? If we get joy out of random gifts or surprises, our significant other doesn’t know to do those things if we never tell them that brings us joy. It may be most important in business. Ever take a position that comes without direction? Like there is no job description that tells you exactly what you are expected to do. Then you get in trouble for not doing something that you had no idea you were responsible for doing. It happens in small businesses all the time. Without communicating with someone what you need, want, or expect there is little chance that the other person will get it right.

But there is another side!! Communication is not a one way street. It has to go both directions. If you never LISTEN to what the other person needs, wants, or expects, you will never make them happy. Again, apply this to your children, your significant other, and your business. When hubby tells me he needs time with the boys, I have to respect when he takes that time.

What about the holidays? Do you ask people what they want and then get them something totally different? A lack of communication is what lead us to the story of 5 hairdryers.

I am a planner. The people in my life should know this about me. I have conversations with everyone about what you want for holidays, what we are doing when, and how we are doing it. I actually get a lot of joy out of planning. So for the holidays, I plan very carefully what to get each and every person on my Christmas list. My children are no exception, maybe even more so. They have too many things, in my opinion, so Christmas for me needs to be very deliberate. I saw an idea one time about getting them one item for each category…clothes, books, music, toys, activities. For years, communicating with their father about what he was getting and I was getting made me crazy because it became a competition of whose presents were better and he never stuck to what he said. I gave that up last year, and just focused on what they had here. This year, no matter how hard I tried, there was a breakdown in communication somewhere between my husband and I about what we were getting the girls. I had my list (on paper) and he had his list (in his head). I never really understood why there were two. Maybe earlier communication could have solved that. No where on either of those lists were hairdryers. On Christmas Eve as we are wrapping the last of the presents we realize, he has bought 2 hairdryers and I had bought another. There are only 2 bathrooms in our house. No one needs a personal hairdryer in their room. We only NEED 2 hairdryers. But now, because neither of us communicated the gift of a hairdryer with the other, we have 5. The quasi-minimalist in me cringes at the excess, not to mention the over-spending.

As the conductor says at the end of Polar Express, “lesson learned”! I try to communicate. I feel like I tell people things. I can’t fix how they listen, so maybe I need to fix how I tell them. This idea goes for all the important areas of my life, my hubby, my girls, and my business. Let me digress for a minute about kids. They are not adults. They are kids. We can expect them to know how to behave, or what satisfies us in terms of “good” behavior and “good” decisions. But if you never tell them that drinking underage is unacceptable or that smoking marijuana is not allowed, how are they supposed to know, especially if they see people around them doing those very things. Don’t ASSUME your children know your rules and boundaries just because they came from you. They are individual human beings with their own thoughts, decisions, ideas, and minds. What seems like common sense to our adult brains may not have made it past the hormones of their adolescent one. You do not control those things, though you have the power to manipulate those with the right communication. But refusing to communicate with people, simply because they should already know it, just leaves more room for trouble. So, for 2021, more direct communication, maybe even written, typed, messaged, emailed, or texted. No assuming the ones around me can read my mind or just know what I’m doing and why.

Communication really is the key to almost any situation. It’s a skill that has to be learned and taught. Being open and transparent can be scary. But choosing not to can put a relationship at risk. I choose this year to value my relationship with those around me over protecting my pitiful pride.

“Save Your Money”

I have never been great at money issues. But I’ve never really had a lot of money to manage. I mean, there was a time when my family and home had money, I just wasn’t allowed control of any of it. What I have done is learn. Whether it’s the years of business school, the genius money-minds I’ve had the privilege to be around, or the reading and observing I do, I have a few simple ideas that can make a huge difference in your wealth and bottom line. As a real estate agent, I guide people on the largest financial decision of their life. I find myself very responsible for their financial health.

Buy Something, Not Everything

First of all, OWN REAL ESTATE. I am not saying that because I’m a Real Estate Agent. The truth is actually the converse. I am an agent because I know that is the basic building block and first step to any type of wealth and security. It is my mission to “help people”. Paying rent is putting money in someone else’s pocket. Paying mortgage is putting money in your own future pocket. Owning real estate works to build wealth in two ways, tax deductions and equity. It’s a reward for having a steady credit life, like marriage is the reward for having a steady relationship life, both of which give you a tax write off because of our archaeic tax codes that champion societal norms. You don’t have to agree with them to take advantage of them. It is also like a bank for future wealth. You can borrow against the value of what you own. You can also sell and make a profit. The money you put into it you can always get out of it.

Secondly, don’t spend what you haven’t got. Credit cards should be reserved for emergencies only. And that does not mean the emergency that I absolutely need this thing from Target. Credit is beneficial to increasing wealth, but it has to be micro-managed. You should always, when possible, use other peoples money to make money. But, if that money is borrowed, it HAS to be repaid, preferably before it comes due. Is what you are purchasing on credit worth the price plus the interest? Because the credit company is going to get some amount of interest. It’s almost like credit is only for advanced financial people. Beginners need not apply!

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Also, BUDGET. More importantly, live within your means. My favorite financial advice is, “you only have 2 options, increase what comes in, or decrease what goes out”. I like to start with what goes out. What does it take for me to like my best life? I have to write it down and add it up. Then, I can say, this is how much I need to make, every month, every year, whatever. I can increase my income to match that number, or I can take things out that are not as important as others. If I write everything down, I have a better look at where my money is going to make that decision. Increasing income could mean getting a second job, asking for a raise or promotion, or changing careers completely. Those kind of decisions take time and preperation. Most of the time, it is easier and quicker to decrease the amount that goes out. This can lead to some equally difficult decisions. Learn how to live on salary and use bonuses or commissions (surprise money or saved money) to fund the “wants”. In the end, being real about what you have, what is a need and what is a want.

Lastly, SEEK ADVICE. I am an avid reader. I am a life-long-learner. So I use books to teach me. How do you learn? Do you need to seek advice from a professional? If so, look for one with your interest at the heart of their business, someone who owes you a fiduciary responsibility. This is NOT someone who is hired by a fund or company to seek clients. Do you learn from the people around you? If so, surround yourself with the people that exemplify what you want to achieve. Don’t keep surrounding yourself with people that move you backwards, socially, emotional, or financially. That may mean that you have to step out of your box to find new folks that help you step up your game.

Money is a big topic. I was brought up in a traditional Southern family where we weren’t allowed to talk about money. But I’m okay talking about everything! If we don’t talk about it how do we teach it, learn it, or change it? Make yourself some financial goals for the new year! They are just as important, if not more so than all your other ideas for a resolution. If you have any questions about real estate, feel free to ask!

Does the Coach need a Coach?

Coaching and Mentoring are a continuum of activities in business.

I made a big-girl business decision this week! And I’m still a little nervous about it. All entrepreneurs, especially sole-proprietors, belabor the business decisions they make because our entire success does depend on it. I can’t blame anyone else but me if I made the wrong one. And I have made some wrong ones.

A year ago, I decided to join forces with a company called Homes for Heroes. It was a cool concept that fit right in with my “why”, to help people. They give cash back to “heroes” when they purchase a home. It’s done through a non-profit so it’s legit. The Real Estate commission does not allow buyers to walk away from a transaction with cash so this company came up with a work around using a donation to a 501c3. I especially liked it because their definition of hero extended to teachers, healthcare workers, and fire, police, EMT and military. But the program as an investment did not work out for me. I did not close one single hero in my first year, and I spent $150 a month to be a “member”. I made the decision to walk away from the program to save the monthly fee. But I did learn something! I truly believe the majority of people do business with friends, people they “Know, Trust, and Love”, before they even consider those types of programs. I decided to put all of my efforts into growing a referral business.

For things to change for you, first you must change.

~ Jim Rohn

The decision I made last week involves paying a little bit of money, actually quite a bit of money. Twice that of the failed, give-back program! But I can do it for half the time if I get into it and don’t see a true benefit. I’m not signing a contract, so that’s great!

I hired myself a coach! I’ve never done anything like that before! I danced my whole life. I had teachers and choreographers, not really coaches. I guess they sort of do the same thing. They want you to improve. They give you pointers on how to do things better. I just picture a coach as a person that yells and pushes, and I don’t respond to stuff like that. I’ve also worked in the management side with coaches who want to hold their agents “accountable” or they can’t be helped. It seems like it is motivated from a different spot than I ever really stand on. I’m not competitive at all. I don’t need to make a million dollars. I want to create a successful business, build a new house on my property, take care of my girls and my animals, but I don’t have to be rolling in dough to do that. Further more, I’m not going to work 80 hours a week. It is not even possible between #farmlife and #momofteenagers.

Furthermore, I am a “mentor” myself! That may be a favorite part of my management job. I really enjoy helping people get deals worked out and see their own success. They should feel cared for and supported in my “girl gang” (even though there is now 1 guy). Is it crazy for me to ask for help while I’m helping?

I have always believed that asking for help is a sign of intelligence, not weakness. I am smart enough to put in words or on paper what I need help with. Also, I am reflective enough to know that I need guidance. I am humble enough to know that I do not hold all of the answers. And I am smart enough to find the right person to help me. I had the option of many people. Even “free” people. I found it very important to find just the right person. I wanted a woman, a mother, and a successful entrepreneur. I needed someone that I could look up to, emulate, learn from. I was looking for someone that had a similar climb to the top as I do. No offense to men, but it is very different being a working mom or a “mom-treprepeur” than it is being a dad.

Don’t “kid” yourself…whether it’s working from home or in an office, it’s really like 3 jobs!

Do I need a coach? Maybe. Do I need guidance? Sure. Do I just need to talk to a person like me or like I want to be? Abso-freaking-lutely. I think we all do! Whether that person is in your family or your company or your church or your neighborhood, without guidance I feel like I’m flapping in the wind like a lost fabric of some greater piece. I search for guidance from many different places. I don’t think people can actually be better unless they spend time working on it.

What to do first…Buy or Sell

This is not a new question. But in a market like this, it is an even more difficult question to answer. As a real estate advisor, I feel the need to address this super-hot topic. If you are planning to make a move, up, down, or just out of town, unless you rent, you will have to make this choice. It is not an easy decision, and it all depends on what your needs truly are. There is no sense in getting frustrated because there are lots of options. Let me give you a few options, while walking you back off your ledge.

Tip #1…DON’T wait for the market to calm down! ACT NOW! Yes, it is crazy out there…like cut-throat, but that is GOOD NEWS for anyone wanting to sell. So your current home is not really the issue at hand. It will sell, no problem! How fast and for how much are where you will need a strategic plan.

“You don’t have to be perfect, and neither does your house!”

Tip #2…This is not the time to look for a DEAL! In a market this hot, people will get what they are asking for, at least that’s the offer that will take the property off the market. Let’s be honest! When you set a price for your home to sell at, that’s the number you want to see on an offer, even if you have to wait for it. So don’t try to make an offer on someone else’s price that is for “what I think your home is worth”. Even if the price is listed too high, they will likely only take offers somewhere in that neighborhood. They may not CLOSE the sell for that amount, but that is a different article!

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Tip #3…You don’t have to be perfect, and neither does your house! In a “seller’s market”, you don’t have to paint every wall, replace the carpet, and update your appliances. Your house will sell even if you leave it just the way that it is. Need it to sell faster? Do the painting and cleaning. Need it to sell at the top end of the listing range? Put some time and money into curb appeal, cleaning, and small updates. Also, offer a home warranty! It costs around $500, which can be deducted from the proceeds of the sale, and offers reassurance to anyone questioning the listing price that they won’t have to fork out a fortune in 6 months to replace the HVAC. I offer FREE warranties to my listings, as a service to my clients, both on a buy and sell!

New Construction gives you more options.

Tip#4…Consider New Construction! Inventory is super low right now so finding that perfect home may take a while. If it’s going to take you 6 months to find the right place, why not BUILD exactly what you want?!? In my opinion, this is the best solution for our current market delima of ridiculously low inventory. And the options are endless…spec built, custom home, modular home, farmhouse zoning, value built, and many more. I don’t understand why people are so scared of new construction. It is no more stressful than the due diligence time period when you’re buying a 20- or 30-year-old existing home! So what’s the down side?

If forced to answer the question, I tell clients to do what is best for them. If you are a risk taker and like living by the seat of your pants, hello enneagram sevens, list your house today! Even if you accept an offer in the first 24 hours it’s on the market, you are going to have 30 – 45 days to find your own new space, because few mortgage companies can close them faster than that, not to mention we have a 14-day grace period built in to our contract at all times (shhhh!). If you are a planner that only takes calculated risks and never acts on impulse, shop first! Spend a couple of months watching the market, for your neighborhood AND the house you want to buy, find the perfect new place, then put your house on the market in tip-top shape. Neither of those options are wrong! What matters is that you do what is best for you, your mental stability, and your family.

Interested in Investments??

Things to Know

There are many ways to grow your wealth. But none have the kind of stability and return that Real Estate offers. And I’m not saying that just because I’m a real estate agent (I prefer to call myself ADVISOR)! I’m saying it because it’s true and I see it every day. Consider some of the most successful or wealthy people you know. I bet they own some type of property. It may be their own, an investment, or even commercial. Here’s what they know that you do not…

• Passive Income
• Tax Deductions
• Market Stability
• Simple Investment

Before you invest, there is some work to be done. (1) Find a mortgage lender that you are completely comfortable with. Some one that will answer all of your questions and is good at problem solving. Buying an investment property is VERY DIFFERENT than buying your primary residence. (2) Find a tax person! There are tax penalties to pay when you sell an investment property. AND there are tax benefits to be aware of like writing off the maintenance and improvements. Make sure you understand all that before you jump in.

Make Some Decisions

First off, what type of investment are you looking for? In my opinion, there are really 3 different categories that make the most sense for everyday investors…Buy and Hold, Buy and Sell, or Short-term Rental.

Buy and Hold means that you rent the property out. You act as landlord, or you hire a management company to do that for you. The investor has the opportunity to be completely hands on, making all decisions and doing all the work, or the investor can hire out all of those responsibilities like management, maintenance, etc. This is my personal favorite. I want to have a hand in creating affordable housing in areas of Charlotte where that does not exist. If the investment is done well, it is residual income for years to come.

Buy and Sell means that you find a distressed property, make the appropriate fixes and updates, and sell it on the open market for a profit. Again, there is opportunity to do as little or as much on your own as the investor would like. This type of investment can give a large lump sum at the end. I find the most difficult part of this is finding the right property. It takes a lot of digging, looking, and being constantly on the look out for something that will make money.

Short-term rentals are like vacation properties. Did you know that Charlotte is a destination? There are tons of rentals on AirBnB and VRBO for the Charlotte and surrounding areas. But in North Carolina, you have any other options. Mountain or beach rentals can be easily purchased from wherever you live and are equally as easy to maintain. These have an extra benefit of providing your family with a vacation destination. Many owners use the vacant weeks to entertain their own families or even business associates. Some owners even block out weeks from rentals for their personal vacations.

Location, Location, Location

These are the 3 rules of real estate investing…location, location, location! What ever decision you make about the type of real estate that you want to invest in will determine the location you should seek out. But keep a few things in mind…

• Property Taxes – this has to figure into your investment cost
• Goal – if you want to offer affordable houseing find an area in need and be creative…if you want to make tons of money in vacation rental find a popular spot with availability.
• Investigate – what type of things are on the horizon for that area?

Below are THREE (3) of my favorite possible investments:

BUY AND SELL Look for extremely low price, property listed AS IS, or “investment opportunity”.

BUY AND HOLD Look for excellent location and well priced for the area.

Short-term Rental Find something that you would want to visit and others will too!

rental-hotsheet-0801Download

Your Most Important Tool…ADVISOR

FIND AN AGENT!!!! I don’t care if you are looking for property in the Alaskan Bush…FIND AN AGENT!!! Yes you can find properties on Zillow, but that is not what real estate peeps do.

I’ve recently rebranded myself as a Real Estate ADVISOR, because, though I do represent you as your “agent” during the 30 days between offer and closing, I normally ADVISE people on a best course of action for up to 2 years before the contract is even written. And, no, you don’t pay for that service at the time it’s rendered. I get paid in cash when we close on a sale, or in returns when you refer me to the people in your circle. My advice is not “free”, but it is free-flowing.

If you want more info, set an appointment with me and let me ADVISE!

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What’s the market like?

The Charlotte, NC version!

I get this question a lot in my personal and professional life. Clients ask so they can judge if this is a good time to buy or sell. But in Charlotte, NC, there isn’t a bad time. We are one of the most sought after relocation places in the country. Businesses are relocating here everyday bringing hundreds of people at a time. I heard a statistic one day that said 4 people per day move to the Charlotte area. I personally have helped clients purchase homes in relocation, sometimes sight unseen. So understanding that this area is normally really successful in the market, I think it makes for a great barometer for the economy at large.

The Real Estate market and the economy are very closely related. Whether you are interested in buying, selling, or investing, the statistics tell a lot about the future and the present. Here are #3 reasons why:

Units Sold   Between May 1 and June 30, in Mecklenburg County, 2,649 single family homes were sold. In 2019, there were 3,320 single family homes sold.While it is a significant decrease from a pre-COVID era, it did not stop. Transactions were still happening. Sales can be done contact free. 

Median Price   This is the median price for counties surrounding Charlotte for single family homes sold from May through June. Union County seemsto be the most expensive at $399,481 on average. Mecklenburg is only slightly behind at $389,403. What I am most impressed at is Lincoln county. Even though only 236 units sold from the previous graph, the average price was $341,113. If I haven’t explained to you the West Side Story…you should call me! Especially if you’re investing!

Lending  Here’s the bad news. It’s all about the availability of funds. No matter what market you are looking at as a barometer of the general economy, if there are no funds available to purchase, the market does not grow. Stimulus checks were not big enough to buy a home and lenders are pretty strict after the housing bubble burst. Soooo, 70% of loans made on all those houses bought during May and June were conventional loans. What does that mean? Your credit score has to be 680+, you have to already have 20% of the purchase price in cash, AND you have to have 2 years of steady, full time employment. Those are tough requirements to meet in this COVID version of life! 

Why is this information really important? Other than helping you understand what to expect from the market if you want to buy or sell, it is an indicator of what the general economy looks like. My concern is not the motivation of buyers and sellers, but the motivation of banks to lend money. They are not making exceptions to the rules for people who have had an interruption in their job history. In other words, if you were terminated for no other reason than COVID, through no fault of your own, because the entire country shut down, you could have to start over on the 2 year clock of consistency. If you went back to work quickly and are currently at a steady 40 hours a week, they may let it slide. But if you are still out of work or your work hours or pay decreased, you are not eligible to purchase right now. That is making it very difficult to get people into homes. At this point, I don’t think we need more stimulus to add to the 4.???Trillion Dollars of debt. We need to update and revise regulations!!

LOSS

I think it is fair to say that at this time in our lives, our history, our world, we have all experienced some form of loss. And that is a pretty powerful binding agent. When I feel like there are people I cannot understand or statements that I just don’t agree with, it makes it a little easier to empathize when I remember they all come from the same pit of loss, and empathy creates a bond, whether we want to bond to something or someone or not.

There is obvious loss of life right now, whether you look at senseless murders or global pandemics. I lost my father to a stroke in January. Of course, that has nothing to do with either of these. But it sure has a lot to do with my world every day. My husband lost his best friend recently. Again, nothing to do with the issues plaguing the world right now. But I think it has been more difficult to process our losses while trying at the same time to process so many other losses. It is as if our emotional cup is full. We have to deal with too much loss right not to really understand, process, and work through any of it completely. Father’s Day looms, and neither of these people should miss it, but here we are without them and no way to put into words or actions the loss.

When I loose people, I hang on to something that reminds me of them. Over the years, the things get moved or destroyed or devalued. And sometimes the loss of the item is almost as hard as the loss of the person. When my grandma was in her Assisted Living Center, where I visited twice a week to have dinner with her, and where I sat by her bed as her body slowly shut down, she had this ridiculous frog tape dispenser. I don’t remember it being at her house before the Center, but I remember it there. When she was gone I carried that stupid tape dispenser with me everywhere, to every classroom I taught in, every home I lived in, every desk I sat at. It was a way for her to be with me in all those times of my life that she was missing. And today it broke. And I am back in the loss, crying like a baby over the broken, ugly tape dispenser, but really over the loss of people whom I dearly miss.

There are more, equally as hurtful forms of loss. The loss of a job doesn’t just mean the loss of an income. It means the loss of an identity, an activity, a community. Being employed somewhere gives you a sense of purpose. The people become a community that only you know. The work you do creates an identity in yourself. One of the most commonly asked questions when meeting someone new, “so what do you do?” The loss of a dream or a plan can be painful. By now our ideas of 2020 have probably been turned on their head! Whatever you were likely hoping this new year, and new decade would bring you has probably been completely destroyed. That can be a crushing blow when you’ve built your hopes up so much for a certain thing.

We are a delicate people with a loss of identity, a loss of income, and maybe even a loss of human life. Tread lightly in the months ahead. Everyone deals with loss differently. Some people choose to be constructive and learn from that feeling of emptiness. While others face it in a negative and destructive manner. No matter which road you go down, you will experience (1) emotional reactions and (2) identify coping mechanisms. Be they negative or positive, I think it is important to understand where it is coming from. The cause is your loss, whatever form it has taken in the last few months. We can move forward, but not without facing and dealing with the loss. And, for the record, we may never heal. This is trauma, and it creates stress. Be graceful with each other and with yourself! If I have to be nice to the kitten that broke my grandma’s ugly frog, you have to be graceful with the people who simply don’t understand how their actions and words are hurting you today. The two are equally ignorant. They may even have their own damage to deal with.

You do not control everything; just the story!

My best friend once called me a control freak. I argued with her over and over. But, it was true. I think it was because I always believed I was in control of what happened to me. When bad things happened it was my fault. It took a lot of blame, guilt and shame to understand that is not the case. We do not have control over everything that happens to us, but we may be able to control the effect that event has on the rest of our lives.

Take time to make real lemonade! Here’s my favorite recipe: https://pin.it/5NRCF9F

My mother always called it “making lemonade”. Life hands you lemons and you make lemonade! I cannot begin to explain the amount of lemonade I have made in my life (literally and figuratively). I had a realization the other day that my amount of lemonade is likely no different to anyone else’s. Even those who are seemingly #blessed have faced a fair share of disappointment. We CANNOT grow as fast from success as we can from failure. If you were handed everything that you thought you needed at the time, where would you be today? Think about it! I would have 5 children with my first husband! Insert eye roll emoji (which is by far my favorite)!

Whatever you have today, let it fuel your future story. Maybe it needs to create your right-now story. We do NOT control this pandemic. We do NOT control stay at home orders or toilet paper shortages. We DO control what we do! We have power to use our time at home for good. Most importantly, we DO control what our mind creates during this time. Do you know that 77% of your thoughts in a day are negative? Here are a couple of tips to help you deal with the things you do not control:

MAKE A PLAN If you need a schedule to maintain sanity, make it! But if you just need a “Here’s what we are doing today,” that’s okay too. But allow yourself the freedom to change it or break it!

FIND PROJECTS Not like mowing the grass, but now is the time to do things you never had time to do before. Make them lofty goals and major endeavors. We have plenty of time.

GO OUTSIDE Sunshine is the only real source of Vitamin D…and that helps your immune system. Period.

REST What a great time to get 8 hours of sleep a day! Your immune system needs that. Your brain needs that. Your mood needs that. But make sure you have a time to get up.

EXERCISE There are tons of online exercise options right now! Many trainers, dancers, gyms, equipment manufacturers are offering free sessions. Search YouTube and the internet! My faves…The Journey Junkie, Yoga Girl, CLI Studios, Twitch and Allison Holker.

COOK Food fuels your body! Do you have a favorite food that you can’t get right now? Have you always wanted to master some recipe? I’ve always wanted to master making bread!

INTERACT Call people! Write letters! FaceTime! Zoom! Send smoke signals! Something! Humans require interaction…we are social beings, so find a way to talk to someone about something somehow.

I did not control or create the abuse I suffered during 2 marriages. I did not cause the financial hardship my family has always endured. I was never able to alter the way men objectified and treated me. There is no way to take power over the senseless deaths and injuries suffered by my friends and family. I DID control the ability to walk away from abusers. I CREATED financial security for my family. I LEARNED that the objectification was the reason for 2 abusive marriages, not my inabilities to commit or judge people. I FIND spiritual solace in the memories of the ones I’ve loved that no longer exist on this earth. The point is that none of these things made me a worse person, they made me better!

What puts the heart in HOME?

What makes you just absolutely love your home? Maybe, what makes you absolutely not love your home? And I can’t tell you what it is, no matter how many real estate, listing specialist, continuing education courses I sit through. There are market trends, but your home is and should be just as personal as you are. It’s kind of like the genie in Aladdin…”I can’t make anybody fall in love!”

Once upon a time, the magic word was curb appeal. The way the home looked from the street was what sellers spent money fixing up in order to get top dollar for their home. But what if you plant holly bushes by your door and the seller is allergic to them? That money was not well spent. An absolute must that you can’t argue your way out of is that it MUST be clean and polished. The grass is cut, the bushes trimmed, the trash removed, and the house looks clean. Even if that means you should hire a professional service to do those tasks. It will not sell for top dollar if it is dirty!

Interior choices are equally up to your opinion. Do you need to paint over the orange dining room? Not necessarily! If you can do it inexpensively, then by all means, get that nasty color off the wall! But if it’s not in your budget or your mental capacity, for that matter, then it will be okay. Do you need to take down all your family photos? That depends on if they all look neat and tastefully set out. I like to discuss showing on a case-by-case basis. It’s much more about being neat and tidy than it is about being blank and generic.

As far as what really makes you love your home…

For some it may be location. Being close to where you work lowers your stressful commute. Being close to family regardless of where you work can increase your happiness. Being close to your favorite place to visit, walk, eat, etc. can also increase your happiness. Maybe it is the things in your home that make you love it. Spending valuable, intentional time choosing the furniture surrounding you can increase your comfort, even if a floor plan is not exactly what you had hoped. Hiring a designer, like my hubby, to create the environment you desire can increase your happiness, whether through color, comfort, or lay out.

Or could it be the people/things in it? Living in a home with people or animals (or even plants) can really increase your ability to feel comfort. Sometimes, as with my own kids, it momentarily increases your stress! But over the course of time and adjustment, the act of understanding that people, even little ones, have their own space, deserve the respect of that space, and contribute to the energy in that space can significantly increase that amount of joy and positive energy contained in the space. Even animals and plants create an energy that can be positive or positively draining. The energy in your home is controlled by you. Creating a positive energy may require some work, but there is always a way!

Home is where your heart is! That might mean your family or it might mean your plant or it might mean your prized possession.What I am entranced with is how it means something different for every family. I truly value that individual ness of every persons definition of home. As humans, we are so different from the next, and yet so very much the same. We all search for comfort and happiness. It is the definition of those that truly change on a person to person basis. Whether it is the outside, the inside, the people, the animals, the objects or the simple existence, something about HOME should bring you JOY.